Whenever I use the self serve kiosk, it says to me, "It puts the lotion in the basket." I don't know why.
I only use those things when I have one or two items; otherwise it's a pain in the ass. And no, I've never stolen from one.
I like to go through the checkout line. I choose the line with the cutest chick at the register; even if it's the longest line. Then I stare at her boobs.
Sometimes I'll tell the cashier this joke:
So a lady is at the grocery store register. She places down a tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, a single serving dinner and an apple. The cashier says to her, "I see you must be single." The lady says, "Why, yes I am! How did you know?" The cashier answers, "Because you're fucking ugly."